Week 3… I feel like I should feel worst than I do…and I feel guilty about that.

“I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength.” -Phil. 4:13

Hello world! I know I haven’t been publishing as much as I wanted to, I have been busy working. Echo, my now 1 year old husky, had a birthday and his sister Eva, my five year old boxer, was a little jealous of his presents but he shares so it worked out.

“…I feel guilty about that.”

Things have been going good in the Lyme department. I do wake up and I’m super tired, but I also work an afternoon/night job so that’s kind of normal. I had one dizzy spell this morning, but nothing bad. The diet is going ok, but I have given myself leeway with it so I don’t constantly feel nausea or full. I am on all supplements and I am on all meds. This is my last week on meds until my week off. Everything is going really good…….and I feel guilty about that.

“….and here I am just feeling a little tired.”

There are so many people with Lyme that I see their journeys and that are having a rough time. They wake up every morning in pain, they are constantly feeling sick, and here I am just feeling a little tired. My pain in my arms and hands is even gone, and I didn’t start the pain medications. Instead of me feeling “Why me” about having Lyme, I am wondering “Why me? Why am I feeling so good compared to those around me?” I cannot explain it. I did pray to God a lot about this. To take this away, for me not to have it. And here I am, feeling amazing while on all these meds. I’m grateful, but I feel guilty.

“Sometimes I wonder if I even have Lyme.”

Sometime I wonder if I even have Lyme. But blood work doesn’t lie. Sometimes I wonder if the treatment is even working. But I am feeling better. Sometimes I wonder if I’m doing something wrong. But other than the strict diet, I am following all the directions. So what is going on?

I believe it’s the way I am looking at this nasty little illness. I don’t see it as a death sentence. I see it as an opportunity to grow and help others. I am not focusing on any little symptom I have. I am trying to stay positive. The key word here is “trying”. I’m not perfect. I have had days that I cry and I get upset that this is my life, but then I look at other struggling way more than I am and I remember how blessed I am. I do get stressed about the financial aspect of this treatment. My parents graciously just paid for my wedding venue before I got diagnosed, and then paid for my treatment for a month because I couldn’t afford it. That breaks my heart more than anything. Especially when the enemy starts to whisper in my ear that I’m not sick and they spent all that money for nothing.

“….I feel so guilty…..”

I know I have Lyme disease. I know that I feel great now, but I also know that may not always be the case. I know how blessed I am, and I know that I can do all thing through Christ who gives me strength. I just hate how I feel so guilty about feel good.

This is week 3

God bless you all

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s